remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
