He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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