____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
