____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
