If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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