The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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