i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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