shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
