i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
