So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
