I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize