I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
