This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
