We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
