I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
