i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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