I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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