What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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