He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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