Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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