I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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