Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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