shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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