I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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