Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
