I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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