this beer tastes like vomit already
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
