Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want her autograph on my taint
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
