Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
