that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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