pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
