I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
