It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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