omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
