just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
