Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
