All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
