i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
