I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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