I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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