Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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