Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just come out here and I will go home with you...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
