he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
