I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
