after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize