i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
