I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
