You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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