I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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