you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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