In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
