its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
