I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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