Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
