Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize