I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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