how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
