I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
