I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
