xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
