Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
