You smell like a Billy Joel song
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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