I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
