...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
