Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
