Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
