Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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