haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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