so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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