I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
