I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
