If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
