idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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