$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
